The Bunny and the ROUS

At first it was only a small rabbit* that had taken up residence in our backyard, apparently considering our watermelon patch his summer home. We have sprayed this incredibly aromatic** anti-critter spray around our garden, multiple times. Once, I entered the garden the day after I had sprayed profusely. And there was that cursed little bunny, hopping around and laughing at me.

The bunny is an annoyance. My brother suggested having him for dinner some time, and if I were absolutely positive it’s not illegal, I’d possibly go for it. However, the bunny has not caused some of the depredations I expected. Our carrots have been safe, our lettuce untouched. Our broccoli… well, in a matter of one or two days, our broccoli leaves have entirely disappeared. But that’s not too bad, since it wasn’t producing much anyway (who knew that spring/fall crops really won’t grow in 100-degree weather?).

But then came the ROUS. The first time we saw him, he was far away in our neighbor’s yard. Brice said, “Wow, check out that huge bunny.” But that night, when I headed out to the garden to get some tomatoes, I saw him trundling out of our yard and discovered he was something far more sinister: an ROUS.***

We haven’t seen him back since then, but I suspect he’s been around. I suspect he’s responsible for the half-eaten apple that magically disappeared from our compost pile and reappeared on the ground fifteen feet away. This actually worries me a bit because I don’t understand how—without defying the laws of physics—this fat rodent reached up approximately four feet, over the very strong black plastic tube surrounding the pile, to grab the apple in the first place. An ROUS that ignores gravity? I live in fear.

*I refer to one rabbit, but I suspect that rabbits are much like icebergs, and for every one I see, there are actually ten.

**Shockingly, this aroma is actually quite pleasant.

***Yes, he’s probably just a groundhog or something, but if I can’t pretend he’s an ROUS, I’m going to pretend he’s a wolverine because those things are scary.