Mittelschmerz: The Good, the Bad, the Exceedingly Whiny

Warning: If you are inclined to blush over words like “ovulation,” you may want to skip this one. Also, if you want the short version, skip down to the recap in the last paragraph.

When in doubt, add a cute picture of your child in a box.

Several months after I gave birth to Addra, I started noticing weird cramping—weird because it kept convincing me that my period was coming, but then nothing would happen for another two weeks. This went on for several months before I realized this probably meant something. It was another several months before I realized it had a name: mittelschmerz, for middle pain. It’s a pain like menstrual cramping that comes around ovulation time. Apparently it’s normal for many women, and according to the Googoracle, it lasts up to two days.

Or in my case, three.

And then, in July, six. Only on and off, but six days did seem a little excessive.

I have a family history of trouble with all those “female parts.” Ovarian cysts, endometriosis, and fibroids, oh my! So I figured it was about time I get things checked out. An appointment with my doctor (who, in the midst of the ever-lovely pap smear, said everything seemed fine) led to an ultrasound just in case.

Which is where the real whining in this post starts. Also, as I have mentioned before, perhaps you think I talk too much about pee? If so, you should just skip this paragraph. … (Go ahead, skip it.) … Are you aware that one hour before getting this sort of ultrasound, you’re supposed to drink 32 ounces of water and not pee? Good golly, I probably don’t even drink 32 ounces in a day (and I don’t need any posts commenting that dehydration is probably exactly what’s wrong with me, thank you very much). I knew it was going to be bad, but I had no idea how bad. We’re talking I’m-driving-to-the-appointment-approaching-tears-because-I’m-going-to-explode-and-I-don’t-think-I’ve-peed-my-pants-since-elementary-but-I-might-break-that-streak-today kind of bad. The receptionist blandly declared that she’d never had any problems with drinking this much water for an ultrasound, but she knew other people sometimes did. And then, noticing that her statement was not comforting and I was still looking at the clock every 15 seconds, she took pity on me and said I could pee a little tiny bit if I thought I could manage it. Oh yes, believe me, I was going to find a way to manage it. That was almost worse (almost, but not quite) because I had to start and then stop. Do you have any idea how hard that is? The self-control! The angst! Ah, but afterward, so. much. better. I still couldn’t sit, though, and I was still pacing a bit. This had led me to a conclusion that I have often suspected (see here for evidence). My bladder really is itsy bitsy. It’s just a fact.

So, moving on. Got an ultrasound, external and internal (fun times!). Got the results. Little tiny fibroid, but nothing else (and little fibroids are quite common and not a cause for concern). Soooo…. (drum roll, please!) … There’s nothing wrong with my physical health as far as we can tell. (Snide remarks about my mental health are unnecessary.)

And here’s where I do some more whining and recognize that it’s incredibly super-duper lame-o-rific whining. First of all, I really am very grateful there’s nothing seriously wrong and nothing I need to get surgery for; given my family history, it was a real concern. But. I also really wish I understood why my body has decided to go all spazzy on me. Or rather, I really wish my body wouldn’t decide to go all spazzy on me. And I feel whiny about it because, of course, pleeeeenty of people have it far worse than I do. (Just ask, for example, my middle sister. Egad is all I have to say on that subject.) So I should really just buck up and be happy and deal with it, you know. Which is mostly what I do. But I still really wanted to whine about it a bit.

Plus, being whiny improved the title of my blog post. It wouldn’t have felt right as “Mittelschmerz: The Good, the Bad.” … Something’s just missing there. And I certainly wouldn’t want to ruin my blog post’s title by having a good attitude! Ah, the suffering I do for my craft.

So, the recap: I appear to be reasonably healthy. (Ish. But maybe I should start drinking more water?) I do still have annoying cramps, but since they’re not completely debilitating, I’m mostly quite grateful. Except for occasional bouts of extreme whininess.

The End.