Pansies for Mother's Day

I have a confession to make. It’s deep and it’s dark and it’s a terrible thing to admit.

Here it is: I don’t particularly want a pansy for Mothers’ Day.

I understand that the holiday is all about honoring the beauty of women and their power to create beautiful things (e.g., children). I recognize that the flower is a symbol of those beautiful things that we create, that we nurture them, that we are like sunshine beaming down upon the tender blooms, providing nourishment and light.

But honestly, what I see when they pass out these flowers in church is something else that I am going to have to water and take care of. And when I forget to water it and it dies, I’m going to feel guilty. And I’m going to think to myself, “I can’t even keep one little flower alive. Pathetic.”

There is a growing trend in many wards these days to honor men on Fathers’ Day the way that we have been honoring women on Mothers’ Day for a long time. I think this is a wonderful thing. Some of the men in my life are amazing and have been incredible influences, my husband most of all. I am thrilled that they get the chance to be honored as well.

My only complaint is this: they get chocolate. Or cookies. Or Rice Krispie treats shaped as hearts. Something delicious they can eat, feel happy about, and move on afterward. It’s a one-shot deal, and they don’t have to water their cookies. They aren’t given cookie dough. They get the finished product.

So I admit that what I really want them to hand out in church for Mothers’ Day is food. Preferably of the chocolate variety, but I would not be opposed to Skittles, sugar cookies (though, please, not those terrible ones with all the frosting), even a little bag of Doritos or animal crackers.

Having said all this, I am already aware that what I will be getting is pansies. Pansies and a quote about how wonderful women are. This quote may even include my personal most dreaded phrases: “mothering instinct,” “nurturing nature,” and any combination of the above (dreaded largely because these items are things I entirely lack). I will feel even more inadequate than I do on a daily basis because, hey, I’m supposed to be good at this mom thing.

But I also understand the sentiment behind the gift. Mothers are great, they are important, and they deserve to be honored. It’s true that we have an incredible job, one that involves creating beautiful things (my daughters are the most beautiful things I have ever seen, and many months of pregnancy pretty much convinced me that I did most of that creating). In our best moments, we really can be rays of sunshine in the lives of our children and husbands.

So I will smile and appreciate the gift because it was given with love. I will try not to kill off my pansy too quickly, and actually this year I will probably manage to keep it alive since we have a whole garden full of pansies that seem to still be thriving. So the gift will not come with the guilt of being a plant-killer.

But deep inside, I will long for chocolate.*

*Fortunately, my fantastic husband is aware of this, and he is an excellent provider.