Stories

So, my younger daughter is wailing in the other room. She's overly tired and isn't very consolable at the moment. It makes me sad that I can't do anything to both cheer her up and help her get the sleep she needs. Poor little pookie.

#1
Once upon a time there was a very tired pickle. [No Daddy, I want a story about an olive!] And that very tired pickle met a very tired olive. In fact, they were so tired that they found a nice little jar and fell asleep. But then a hungry student found them and blended them up into an olive and pickle paste and put them on bread and gobbled them right up. The student's friends said "Blech. Why don't you get a job so you can afford to buy groceries?" So the student went out and got a job. When he got his first paycheck, he bought bread and pickles and olives and peanut butter. Then he blended up the pickles and olives and peanut butter into a paste and put it on his bread. All of his friends said that was too gross and left.

#2
[Daddy, can I have a story about a singing orange?] Once upon a time there was a singing orange. A very grumpy singing orange. He didn't like anything that was not a complementary color to his orange peel. [What's a complementary color? Oh, it's a color that looks good with another color.] One of his favorite things to do was to go to really big parking lots and find cars that weren't complementary colors with him. Then he would sing his strange orange song at the car "hrrrrrruuuuuuuhnn". His grumpy song was so powerful that it would temporarily change the color of the car. Then all of the people would get very confused while they were looking for their car. If they were looking for a blue minivan, they would look all over. There's a red minivan, there's a white car. I thought it was over here somewhere. Then the song would wear off and they would say - oh, there's our blue minivan. [Editor's note: We don't have a blue minivan, that was just an example.] Well, one day, the orange found an old, rusty yellow car. He sang his song so loud that the wheels of the car fell right off! He thought that this must mean the car was very grumpy. That grumpy orange was smitten. The orange sang a special magical song and soon the tires of the car slowly put themselves back on. The orange got into the car and rode around with it from then on. You see, the orange had fallen in love with ... a lemon! [Did the orange think that car was a lemon? No, that's just a word for a car that breaks a lot. Oh, hee hee.]

#3
Once upon a time there were some people who worked in a very tall building. But they got bored with having to walk down all the stairs at the end of the day. So they built a huge slide that wrapped all the way around the building down to the ground. It was so much fun that soon other people came and started paying them money to ride the slide. They turned it into an amusement park. They also put in a big fireman's pole. [What's a pole? It's a long straight metal thing you can slide down, like at the park. Oh yeah.] They all lived happily ever after. [Older daughter explains: "Just because you live in a beautiful land doesn't mean that you live a beautiful life." I was pretty impressed by that final comment of the night.]

Ok, now my daughter has calmed down. I think she might actually let me give her a little hug now. Thanks dear for dealing with their CD a couple minutes ago. You're faboo.