A few days ago, I prayed so hard that I would be able to be patient and be kind and see the positive in the kids. I've been really struggling with them lately.
But then Addra wanted a YouTube drawing video. And then she didn't like the one she chose. Then she wanted a new one and wanted to scroll through tons to find it. Then she started getting upset because it was too hard, she said.
All this time I was getting increasingly frustrated at her. Just pick something! Just try again! It's okay if it's not perfect!
She was crying and upset and just curled up in a blanket by the computer, and I just didn't think I could be nice about this. I knew she needed a snuggle and some comforting, but I didn't want to do it. I went to find Brice to get him to help her so that I didn't make it any worse, but he was eating breakfast and I didn't want to stop him in the middle of a bowl of cereal.
So I took a breath and went back. I sat down beside the red blanket lump and pulled her partially into my lap and started rubbing her back. I told her that I loved her, over and over, and listened to her sadness at how hard the video was. At first I had to bite my tongue to keep from getting cranky at her, but slowly the back rub and snuggling soothed me too.
Five minutes later, I asked if she wanted to try again. Brice brought another pencil and paper, and we both watched the video and tried to draw from it. I paused it frequently so she could erase or catch up, and eventually we were both done.
She was totally happy again and was satisfied with her wolf drawing, and we'd had some happy, loving time together.
Without a doubt I can say that this was a gift from God. Brice being busy so I had to handle it. My recognition and acceptance of what she needed just then--not criticism or pushing her to try harder, just a snuggle. And most of all the inner strength to actually do what was needed when I didn't want to. It turned an ugly interaction--the kind of thing that we've been having far too frequently these days--into a loving one. I'm so grateful for that gift.
that's a great story, one I need to keep in mind sometimes when I'm trying to help teach Ian stuff too, I get frustrated sometimes -- it's his fault because he usually figures things out so fast I forget sometimes that I need to slow down with new stuff (especially stuff like math, e.g., that is so 2nd nature to me I forget there's stuff I had to learn once upon a time). ramble ramble blah blah all the other readers out there besides Jeanna and Brice who are still reading this either know me already, or don't want to. To the former I say hah! to the latter phhhhbt
ReplyDeleteGo momma! I love it when I actually get IT occasionally! Recognition of getting it is so important!
ReplyDelete**Love you Kem!