(An epic)
Oh listen ye now to the epic,
and extremely, epically extensive, epic tale
of the maids a-milking midst a murky meadowful of cows.
Wo wo wo for those wenches with white woolly aprons!
Doom, despair, destruction, and gumdrops!
Gruesome and grisly and gory is my tale.
Tragic and travailly and torment-ful.
Doom, despair, destruction, and gumdrops!
(Sadly, the rest of this tale is lost to time. These few words are all that remain of a fragment of parchment that predates even Beowulf. Yes, it’s one of the great academic tragedies of our time that the tale of the maids a-milking is now lost to history. High school students around the English-speaking world, however, rejoice.)*
*Academics, on the other hand, are thrilled by this incontrovertible evidence of the early existence of gumdrops.
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