Other Blogs Recap

Once again, I have been not writing here forever. And I’ve been writing at my other blogs only slightly more. Sigh. I am once again having to reevaluate what I really want from this blog and what its purpose is. It’s sort of an ongoing thing. In the meantime, let’s cut out all the angst and move straight to the blog post, in which I direct you to a whole bunch of other blog posts over at MMW and Callooh Callay Callay (seriously, I’m recapping favorites from the past two years, so it’s a bunch). Just in case you missed all my riveting words there.

I tried cutting some of these out, because it’s really far too many links for anyone who doesn’t have wacky, crazy-long attention abilities, but these are all things I would have shared here if I hadn’t shared on the other blogs. They are all personal and meaningful to me at least. So please feel free to pick and choose. Or don’t read any of them at all, but then still post a comment here saying something like, “Oh, Jeanna. You are so magical. Pretty much your every word has changed my life. Thank you for being so practically perfect in every way. Sincerely, Your Biggest Fan.”

So, without further ado (and in reverse chronological order) . . .

In Which I Brag (Just a Little). Where I talk briefly about the writing project that I did for my and Brice’s foos and share my little happy dancing over how it turned out.

Acts of God. Really, if you only read one, probably read this one. It’s where I talk a little more about this pregnancy.

Was It You? Also, you should read this one. It’s where I announced this pregnancy. Also, it’s a true story.

Author and Finisher, A Houseful of Marshmallows, InfinityTimes Infinity. A number of my thoughts from reading and thinking about the scriptures and trying to apply them to my life.

The Elizabeth Bennets. Okay, you can actually probably skip this one. I only included it as a favorite because I enjoyed my own footnotes and also because I made fun of pretty much every Austen novel (even though I love Austen).

She Was Good at Apologies. Musings on being an imperfect mom and what I hope my children learn from me.

A Thought on Pain. How we can perhaps look at pain differently.

You’d Be Surprised. How sometimes we really just have to open our mouths about the experiences we’re having—we’re rarely alone, and there are often lots of people out there who care about us and want to help.

PPD and Me. Talking about some of my postpartum days after Koa was born.

Half a Talent. How we really shouldn’t compare ourselves to others—especially the sheep-raising, farming types.

The Killer What If? Life rarely gives us only one opportunity for something. If you miss an opportunity, move on and try to be ready for the next.

Perspective Shift. What I learned from having our house broken into.

2015: A Brief Recap

Happy 2016! Our 2015 was pretty great, with the obligatory bad parts too—but overall, really wonderful. We have been very blessed. Highlights?

Our tenth anniversary, which we celebrated by taking all of us on a cruise. It was great fun, and we gained the obligatory several pounds (at least I did), but in the end we decided we’re not really cruise people. We’ll do it occasionally maybe but not really go out of our way for it. I had a giant blog post planned about this vacation, and I was so very funny in it. Just imagine me being hilarious and entertaining. There you go.

Koa developed all sorts of great abilities, and also many more teeth. You know, he learned the whole crawling, walking, running, babbling (though not really officially talking yet), eating all sorts of food, etc. The fun thing about the baby stage is just how many awesome accomplishments they check off in these first couple years. So 2015 was a big year for him.

Our stake was reorganized, so we and a few other families got moved out of the Glen Burnie Ward to the Brooklyn Park Branch. It has been quite an adjustment, but we have faith that this was what God wanted in this little corner of His church.

I, of course, got pregnant. Yay! And in case we didn’t mention it to you yet, we’re having a boy. And please don’t make some comment about, “Oh good, now Koa will have a friend.” Because then I will be tempted to shake my fist at you. Strangely, I have noticed that it’s possible for boys and girls, brothers and sisters, to be friends with each other! Shocking! My very best friend growing up was my older brother. While of course I hope Koa is awesome friends with his little brother, I also hope that all of the siblings will continue to get along in reasonable sibling fashion, regardless of gender. (Yikes, that turned into a soapbox! Whoops!)

I think probably the biggest and most exciting event of last year was Coriel’s baptism into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We are so proud of her for making this decision, and I continue to be amazed by what a great person she is. Honestly, I could gush forever. I’m just so happy she’s my kid and that she’s growing up to be such a lovely, wonderful young woman.

That was a very broad recap, and it left out all sorts of wonderful things from the previous year—things like my book club friends, homeschool and co-op, Brice’s runs, Addra’s fabulous fashion, and so many other things. But it’s the best I can do at the moment.

Stay tuned soon for a post in which I link to and recap a few of my favorite and/or important posts from the MMW blog I write at. I’ve been meaning to do that forever, in case you don’t follow me there, and now I’m finally going to get around to it.

In the meantime, much love to you, my biggest fans. AKA, my friends and foo who are too polite to just ignore me. Love you all!

Photos!

Okay, so ideally I would get off my rear end and write a blog post and stuff here, but instead I'm just going to put in the link to the fun photos my friend Meghan took of me and the kids a couple weeks back. We've been dying to have pics with our beautiful cherry tree, and finally it happened! Yay!

So here you go.

The Birth Story, Part IV: In Which There Is Pushing. And Also a Baby

By the end of this blog post,
he will finally have arrived!

Note: You can find part I here, part II here, and part III here.

Finally, the pushing! Ah, sigh. Pushing. It just feels so lovely after all of those other contractions. Doing something! Progress! The end in sight! After the first unmistakable need to push, I turned to Brice calmly (it felt calm, anyway; I have no idea how I actually sounded) and said, “If the girls are going to be here for the birth, you’d better go get them.”

They were awfully enchanted with him.

I may have forgotten to mention it, but the girls were there the whole day—watching movies, playing, talking with and entertaining all our guests. Oh, I suppose the guests entertained them too, especially Meghan with the giant muffins and donuts she brought. Also, she brought a gift for the baby—a little bouncy seat that they all put together in the living room while I was off in my room doing the actual, you know, work.

So Brice got them from wherever they were, and the pushing continued. When you take those birthing classes, they always talk about the “ring of fire”—“Oh, I felt that ring of fire, and I just wanted to die! It was the worst!” and “There will be a terrible burning sensation!” After two other births and no noticeable “ring of fire,” I was a little puzzled about what was the big deal.

And then I felt it, and my detached, clinical brain said, “Oh, so that’s what it feels like. I see. Yes, that is rather unpleasant. Hmmm . . . I wonder how long it will last.” Meanwhile, my body was saying something more like, “Egad!” And then my brain said, “Well, it’s gonna have to last through at least one more push because I am not about to shove this baby out before he’s ready and tear things up down there.” So, when the contraction stopped, I stopped pushing. I must say, I am rather pleased and proud of myself for this bit. Even in that moment I was feeling pretty cool. Look at me, I thought, just sitting here calm as you please, waiting for the next urge to push, while my nether regions are totally aflame.

It must be stated that Meghan agreed. In one of several awkward post-game wrap-ups that we had in the weeks after the fact, she said something like, “Well, this is weird, but I was really impressed with the way you pushed.” Thank you, thank you, take a bow.*

Addra told me just today, "I didn't want
to touch him because of all that white
stuff." Then I got to teach her about
how awesome vernix is.

Then he was out, sounding like a newborn (actually, I have no idea if he squealed or not), looking like a newborn with all that lovely mushroom-colored, white-goo-covered skin. And he was on my chest and I was staring at him—this amazing, beautiful creature who came out of me. I made him! He is mine. I pulled him up to me and stared and stared and stared. He was gorgeous. Gorgeous and—

Egad!

Neither of us looks particularly happy at the moment.

If you look at the pictures of us together right after he was born, I do not look pleased to see him. I’m sorry to say that I think only one of those pictures finds me with anything other than a major league grimace on my face. And I have one word to explain this: afterpains. It is such a rude awakening to be sitting there, gazing in a mommy haze of adoration at this new life, thinking it’s over. You have gained the prize. And then the contractions start again and you remember you still have to birth the placenta. And your uterus has to shrink. And there’s all the blood and whatnot to expel. And and and . . . You’re definitely not done yet.

So while I may be grimacing in these photos, I’m also drinking him in—this creature I have sacrificed and suffered for, who I will continue to change and stretch and grow for. Inside I’m utterly and infinitely in love with this little messy, gloppy, floppy creature I hold in my arms.

And in truth, I still am.

P.S. But wait! There’s more! If you still haven’t had enough, I’ve got a post-game wrap-up post coming soon. Just to answer all those exciting questions you’re wondering about, like, “What good is hydrogen peroxide?” and “Were your kids traumatized for life?” and “How do you feel about old lady panties?”**

* I love the number of conversations we have that start with, “Well, this is weird, but . . . ” That’s some serious friendship going on. 
** Just kidding, I have no opinions to offer you on old lady panties. At least not in public.

Mother's Day Talk

Here's my talk from Mother's Day yesterday. Mom, I love you! Jeanna, I love you! Happy Mother's Day! Most of the talk is quotes from general authorities, although I haven't spent the time to do all of the quote attribution for online - if you have any questions, I'll find the links for you.

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God's plan is for us to come to earth, receive bodies, learn to overcome temptation, and return to him through the atonement of Jesus Christ. So we need God, a mother and father, people to nurture and teach us, and our Savior. Mothers are an essential part of God's plan. To all current and future mothers, thank you. To all who nurture and teach, thank you. To God and our Savior, we thank thee!
Mothers: your children will follow your example. Teach them to find joy in nurturing children, to avoid gossip and judging, to respect themselves and God through modesty and chastity.  Teach them these things by your example, during family home evening, and during meal times. The youth will be more likely to make and keep covenants if they learn how to recognize the presence of and the voice of the spirit. Spend time doing spiritual things with your children. When you feel overwhelmed, will you call on God for assistance? "The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own homes." 

Some women can't or don't have marriage or children now. The atonement will compensate. E. Christophersen said: "No one is predestined to receive less than all the father has for his children". Sister Oscarson said "Not all women are experiencing what the proclamation [on the family] describes. It is still important to understand and teach the Lord's pattern and strive for the realization of that pattern the best we can. ... Heavenly Father is aware of our righteous desires and will honor His promises that nothing will be withheld from those who faithfully keep their covenants." When you are frustrated in your desires, will you fix your hope on the Savior?
God has many ways all of us can help. "All of us—women, men, youth, and children, single or married—can work at being homemakers. We should “make our homes” places of order, refuge, holiness, and safety. Our homes should be places where the Spirit of the Lord is felt in rich abundance and where the scriptures and the gospel are studied, taught, and lived." Will you bring the spirit into your homes?

Sister Stephens told this story: "I recently had the opportunity to visit with Sister Yazzie of the Chinle Arizona Stake in her hogan. When she welcomed me into her home, the first thing I noticed was the variety of framed family and missionary photos on her walls and tables. So I asked, “Sister Yazzie, how many grandchildren do you have?”

Surprised by my question, she shrugged her shoulders. Confused by her response, I looked at her daughter, Sister Yellowhair, who answered, “She doesn’t know how many grandchildren she has. We don’t count. All children call her Grandmother—she is Grandmother to everyone.”
Sister Yazzie doesn’t limit her love and influence to her biological family. She understands what it means to expand her sphere of influence as she goes about doing good, blessing, nurturing, and defending the family of God. She understands that “whenever a woman strengthens the faith of a child, she contributes to the strength of a family—now and in the future." Will you nurture and strengthen everyone around you?

God commanded: "Honor they father and they mother." (Ex. 20:12). We should honor the mothers and fathers that are our ancestors. We should be grateful tot he fathers and mothers who provided our earthly bodies. We should honor our heavenly parents. How do we honor them? By keeping the commandments." Will you live righteously so you bring honor to all of your fathers and mothers?
The prophets teach us about families in the The Family - a proclamation to the world. "Each of us is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and as such, each has a divine nature and destiny." God loves us and has a plan for each of us. President Joseph F. Smith taught about God's plan for women. "“It is not for you to be led by the women of the world; it is for you to lead the … women of the world, in everything that is praise-worthy, everything that is God-like, everything that is uplifting and … purifying to the children of men." Will you lead the world with your goodness?

Elder Ballard said: "Sisters, we, your brethren, cannot do what you were divinely designated to do from before the foundation of the world. We may try, but we cannot ever hope to replicate your unique gifts. There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman." Will you use your gifts to bless others? If you don't feel like you have those gifts, will you pray to God that He will give you those gifts?

Sister Oscarson tells this story: "I recently read the story of Marie Madeline Cardon, who, with her family, received the message of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ from the first missionaries called to serve in Italy in 1850. She was a young woman of 17 or 18 years of age when they were baptized. One Sunday, while the family was holding a worship service in their home high in the Alps of northern Italy, an angry mob of men, including some of the local ministers, gathered around the house and began shouting, yelling, and calling for the missionaries to be brought outside. I don’t think they were anxious to be taught the gospel—they intended bodily harm. It was young Marie who marched out of the house to confront the mob.

They continued their vicious yells and demands for the missionaries to be brought out. Marie raised her Bible up in her hand and commanded them to depart. She told them that the elders were under her protection and that they could not harm one hair of their heads. Listen to her own words: “All stood aghast. … God was with me. He placed those words in my mouth, or I could not have spoken them. All was calm, instantly. That strong ferocious body of men stood helpless before a weak, trembling, yet fearless girl.” The ministers asked the mob to leave, which they did quietly in shame, fear, and remorse. The small flock completed their meeting in peace.

Can’t you just picture that brave young woman, the same age as many of you, standing up to a mob and defending her newly found beliefs with courage and conviction?" Will you stand up for families and motherhood?

One mother named Abby did a presentation in her children's school about her job of being a mother. "In her very fun presentation to the children, Abby taught them, among other things, that as a mother she needed to be somewhat of an expert in medicine, psychology, religion, teaching, music, literature, art, finance, decorating, hair styling, chauffeuring, sports, culinary arts, and so much more. The children were impressed. She finished by having the children remember their mothers by writing thank-you notes expressing gratitude for the many loving acts of service they received daily. Abby felt that the children saw their mothers in a whole new light and that being a mother or father was something of great worth." S. Oscarson. Will you thank those who care for you for all they do for you?
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"The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.
 Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

 The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God." Family Proclamation.

E. Ballard: "Young women, your mothers adore you. They see in you the promise of future generations. Everything you accomplish, every challenge you overcome brings them pure joy. And likewise your worries and heartaches are their worries and heartaches.

And so, my dear young women, with all my heart I urge you not to look to contemporary culture for your role models and mentors. Please look to your faithful mothers for a pattern to follow. Model yourselves after them, not after celebrities whose standards are not the Lord’s standards and whose values may not reflect an eternal perspective. Look to your mother. Learn from her strengths, her courage, and her faithfulness. Listen to her. She may not be a whiz at texting; she may not even have a Facebook page. But when it comes to matters of the heart and the things of the Lord, she has a wealth of knowledge. As you approach the time for marriage and young motherhood, she will be your greatest source of wisdom. No other person on earth loves you in the same way or is willing to sacrifice as much to encourage you and help you find happiness—in this life and forever.

Love your mother, my young sisters. Respect her. Listen to her. Trust her. She has your best interests at heart. She cares about your eternal safety and happiness. So be kind to her. Be patient with her imperfections, for she has them. We all do."

The Birth Story, Part III: Picking Up Steam

Note: You can find part I here and part II here.

Further note: If you are inclined to be judgey about the decision to forgo pain meds, feel free to skip part III. Here is where I tell you how much it hurt and also that I am not a warrior about pain. But I am not really interested in being an example you can point to and say, “See! Not getting an epidural is crazy!” Plus, despite the pain, I would still choose this again.

Further further note: You may have noticed that Brice doesn’t feature prominently in this narrative. This is because, for the most part, Brice was just doing what he does best: quietly going about doing good. He was just there, you know, present with me, without getting in the way.* You can tell from the pictures how much he was a part of labor, but there are very few specific things I can point to and say, “Brice did this.” Mostly he just was. Which is exactly what I needed.

 

Finally, around 4 p.m., things went from sunny to doomy. Ahem, I mean that labor picked up. By which I really mean that I started whimpering and crying and saying, “No, no, no” repeatedly and despairingly. I mean really. I have distance from the whole experience now, which is why I can look at it and laugh, but in those moments it felt like my whole soul was saying, “No.” It felt like my whole world had narrowed down to just one unending contraction. It felt like this would never stop.

You want to know how desperate I was? When Susan suggested that she could check and see if I had a cervical lip in the way of pushing, I said okay. So here’s a bit of information about me: I do not—DO NOT—like cervical checks. When I’m asked what was the worst part of labor with Coriel, I can say without a nanosecond of hesitation, “Cervical checks.” (And that’s saying something, because labor with Coriel was pretty darn hard.) I didn’t get a single check with Addra, and that was bliss.

I am definitely not feeling good.

After I said okay, I also said, “But if you check and I’m only dilated to, like, a six, just lie to me.”

Here’s what she said after she checked: “Well, you’re not quite ready to push yet.” (I asked her later, in a postpartum checkup; she said I was dilated to about seven.)

You’re probably wondering about now why I would choose to do all of this stuff when there are awesome things like epidurals in the world. Well, that’s a complicated question with many answers. The short one: I think it’s better for me and for the baby.** Also, pain isn’t the end of the world, not even bad bad pain.

Speaking of pain, though, I never hopped in the shower! Ridiculous me. Showering was the epic relief that made Addra’s birth pretty much a cakewalk. (Which is only slightly overstating the case.) I remember that Laurie suggested it once or twice (her recollection: “I kept telling you to get in the shower”). And I remember that all I could think was how hard it would be to get in the shower. And how hard it would be to get back out. All that stepping over bathtub ledges as if they were the Great Wall of China or something. You can’t be asking me to do that sort of crazy hurdling when I’m in labor! And for what? Any minute now, I would feel the need to push. So instead I dithered around, forgetting that contractions do stop occasionally (no, not really in this case; I swear I was in transition—unending waves of contractions—for endless hours). Forgetting that the feeling of water beating down on my back might be lovely. That if I couldn’t pick my leg up to get over the ledge, someone would do it for me (because labor isn’t really weird enough without other people picking up your body parts for you). So, um, no shower.

And really, while I was in it, that time did seem to last forever—wave upon wave of contraction, with not even a long enough break in between to properly use the bathroom. (Come on, I would say, sitting on the toilet. Really? You couldn’t just wait for thirty seconds?) Now, outside of those moments, I realize it was only about three hours, maybe four at the outside, of really intense labor. But such is the nature of reality—it isn’t always helpful when you’re in it.

Scootching off the pillow again.

Eventually I was in sheer misery mode, whimpering “no” in a pathetic voice over and over again (no strong, Amazonian roars for me!), and I was lying in my bed. I repeat: I was lying in my bed. On my back! The horror! I used to see the occasional birth photos of other women lying on their backs straining and pushing, and I would think sanctimoniously, “Well, if you’d just get off your back, everything would be much easier. I had Addra kneeling beside my bed, and it was awesome. I would never give birth lying on my back.” Ha! As I lay on the bed, everyone kept trying to prop me up with pillows or suggest different positions. I would pretend I didn’t hear them and then slowly scootch myself sideways off the pillows until I was sort of leaning sideways but definitely on my back. It was the only thing that was even vaguely comfortable (emphasis on “vaguely”). So much for the virtues of gravity in labor, that’s all I have to say.

Stay tuned for part IV, in which things get even more hairy.

* Well, except for one or two contractions where he misjudged that I needed a massage or a hand on my abdomen when what I really wanted was not to be touched—and also to rip his head off and throw it out the window. But hey, no one’s perfect, not even Brice.

** Again, please remember I’m not judging you or anyone else for doing something different. NO JUDGEY!